Word Choice: Strong Verbs, Less Adverbs, Concrete Language

Trait 4: Word Choice

Before you begin:
1. pen the wiki.
2. Copy the stories of the two people below you (from our school) and paste it onto Word.
3. Type their names on top of their stories.
4. Print their stories. You will peer edit them, using the activities below.
5. You will bring these to class on Monday (G) and Tuesday (B).

Intro. and Warmer:

So. You should like your idea now (trait 1). You should feel pretty good about organization (trait 2) and voice (trait 3). Now it makes sense to look at your diction, or "word choice."

On his blog, The Business of Writing, businessman Phil Turner gives this advice about good business writing by pointing to Mr. "Shock-Proof S$*t-Detector" himself, Ernest Hemingway:

We’ve been talking about how to write in the business world. Here’s my starting point:

"Short sentences, short paragraphs, active verbs, authenticity, compression, clarity and immediacy."

Recognise this? It’s Ernest Hemingway. It’s the first thing he was taught as a young reporter on the Kansas City Star. He later said: "Those were the best rules I ever learned for the business of writing. I've never forgotten them." . . . .

Nowadays if people ask me to recommend a book on business writing, I give them a copy of The Old Man and the Sea. Just 100 pages. Not a word is wasted. It’s written for a 12-year-old and yet it won Hemingway the Nobel Prize.

In this revision stage, we're going to focus on these words as we start looking at Word Choice (Trait 4): active verbs, compression, clarity, immediacy.

We''ll begin with active verbs in Workshop 1, below.

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Word Choice Workshop #1: Use Strong Verbs

In a new window, open this excellent article: "Using Strong Verbs," and follow these steps:

1. Read the article

2. Pull out the copies of the two students under you on the wiki (you were told to print them out above).

3. Do Exercise #1 on only the first half page of the two students below you on the wiki. Color code them this way (colored pens are in the back shelves):

Red= Active verb (good)

Blue = Passive verb (no subject; form of "be" + past participle)

Green = Sentences using a form of "be" or "have."

4. [NOTE: step 4 and 5 will be done next week] Next week, you will get your feedback from your peer editors, and do Exercise #2 and 3 from the Using Strong Verbs" website: turn all of your passive verbs into active ones, and cut the "attachments" from your verbs.

5. Hit "comment," and copy and paste the "before and after" versions of your two best improvements. Revise your whole story for verbs by the revision deadline.

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Workshop Two: "Beware of Adverbs"

This is a serious problem for many ninth graders, so I want you to pay special attention here. Follow these steps:

1. Open this article in a new window.

2. Read it carefully. Does this "adverb abuse" describe your writing?

3. On your own story, do exercises #1-4 (it shouldn't take long) on your whole story.

* * *
Workshop Three: "Digging for the Concrete and Specific" (Nouns, mostly.)

1. Read this article.

2. Give peer feedback on the two students under your name. Read the first page of their stories, and identify the word choices that are not concrete. Suggest at least three changes. Bring to school on Monday and Tuesday.

Be a Magnet, not a Ham--or a Sleeping Pill

Research in how readers read points to this "fact": most readers will decide whether to keep reading you, or quit, by the end of your fifteenth line.

So if you want them to read to the end, you'd better have a good beginning.

Young writers often make this mistake: they think the best way to win the reader is to be, well....a ham. A million exclamation points!!!!!! A LOT OF CAPITAL LETTERS!!!! BLOOD, EXPLOSIONS, and LOTS OF ONOMATOPOEIAS!!!!! A hyperbolic example of habits you might decide to avoid:

BANG!!! Went the gun. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!! screamed the victims!!!!

If the example of above shows the extreme of trying too hard, the other extreme is not to try at all. *Yawn* An example:

This story begins when Liz goes to school for the first time. Liz is a tenth grader who is very unhappy. She hates school. She hates everything she has to study. Today is Monday, and Liz is going to school.

If these are the extremes to avoid, then what, exactly, are the kinds of openings that you want to aim for?

That's a hard question to answer--as in sports, there are a million good "moves" to choose from. I don't know about Mr. Watson and Mrs. Davis, but my best advice is this: when you choose your "move," choose with a smart reader in your mind. Smart readers will be able to understand the subtle things you're experimenting with. You don't have to explain yourself to them. Just do it.

So take a few minutes for this warm-up, and follow these steps:

1. Solo: Take 10 minutes to think of your story's opening so far. If you like it, keep it--but maybe improve it a bit. If you don't like it? Relax, step back, and decide on a new move to try. Write a sketch of it.
2. Click "comment" below, and copy and paste your old intro, and the new one you just decided to try out, into the comment box. Leave your first name last initial so others can talk to you about what you did.

What Do We Mean by "Organization"?

Hi, Hawaii. Oh, hey, Denver. Seoul, how's it going? Let's all write on the same page. (Your parents couldn't do this.)

Since this week, you'll be giving feedback to each other about organization, let's do a warm-up and try some moves together.

First, let's get the big picture. What specific things come to your mind when you think about revising your story for strong organization? Make a quick list, compare it with a partner's, and together hit "comment" and share what you came up with.